i want this forever

soo my friend dylan is coming over for a couple days
so i'm not gonna be able to post for a while

i've been doing really bad eating lately
its kinda pissing me off
i have no self control anymore
i wish i would just get sick again
but without my mom and doctors knowing
then i could lose a whole bunch of weight
because i'd be vomiting all the time
and then eventually i would just stop wanting to eat
i remember times where i would go to walmart to go grocery shopping with my mom
and i would have to leave the food section
because looking at all the food would make me want to throw up
i want those times back
i dont even care if its unhealthy,
i dont care if i'm tired all the time
or if i'm pastey white
i just want to be thin again















its snowing right now
i'm kinda happy and i'm kinda not
i like snow, but it stays for too long
i wish it would just come, then go away
except for on christmas, i like there to be a lot of snow then
it just feels more like christmas

i want you stapple-gunned right to my side all of the time

i've been doing really shitty the past few days eating
god damn halloween candy
never should've went trick or treating

i love her nose, its soo cute and tiny

i just want you to feel beautiful, for once in your life

went over to matts the other day
and he was all cuddly and stuff the first night
but the next day he didnt touch me at all,
he didnt even kiss me good bye like he usually does

to tell you the truth,
my original plan was to go over there and have sex with him
but it didnt work out as i'd planned
he was too tired, but thats okay with me
there will most likely be other times

i dont know what we are right now
i should probably ask him lol
i'm just kinda scared to













































soo i just asked
and we're just friends
which i'm okay with

baby, we're invincible

i dont even know what to say.
me and matt are gonna try to work things out again
we got all his problems out in the open last night

i have a bad habit of peeling the skin of my bottom lip

intake:
b- apple (74), french vanilla coffee w/ half and half & splenda (80)
l- strawberry yoplait light (100)
d- tba






i cant wait for my hair to be that long

where is our hero?

never got to go to matts
oh well.
there will be other times i hope.

i'm soo sad ]:
my friend dylan had to move.
we just started hanging out again
and then  his dad kicked him out.
now he's living like an hour or so away
i miss him a ton, its crazyyyy

BLAHHHH.

so i'm going to start recording my intake and outtake again.
i've been eating so horribly for the past year
and its got to stop
i'm determined to get skinny again
and i think if i record what i'm eating
then i'll more about the calories and such
so starting tomorrow, or later today actually
i'm going to record what i eat and drink.

i would kill babies to be as beautiful as her ]: jk jk
but no really...